Jokes the use of puns and regularly risqué double-meanings ‘fictitiously attributed’ to Confucius, a famous Chinese logician (round 500 BC.) His call is used most effective to lend credence to the sayings of a “sensible man.”
Confucius was a outstanding sage and moral philiospher. His teachings shape the inspiration of Chinese subculture and he’s even these days held in high regard among the Chinese. Followers of Confucianism worship Confucius as a common ancestor and benefactor of the people.
However, within the West Confucius has been used as a set up for cheap jokes which use “Confucius say” as an creation or components. Some of these Confucius say jokes are racist and sexist and all of them are irreverent. Quite some are very humorous. I have amassed a number of the much less raunchy and offensive Confucius Says jokes. The jokes are glaringly now not based totally on whatever that Confucius definitely stated, though they do owe some thing to his fashion of making pithy observations or aphorisms as a teaching tool.
Although this is supposed to be a extreme site about Confucius and his teachings, this does not imply that we can not have a little fun too
FUNNY CONFUCIUS SAY JOKES
Confucius changed into a Chinese philosopher credited with many smart sayings. And now, of direction, there are numerous so-referred to as Confucius Say jokes that take the identical shape as his actual fees. And as we adore funny stuff like that, we’ve collected together all of the greatest examples here.
I suppose those are my preferred of the “groaner” jokes. The lavatory humor or intercourse ones typically don’t do plenty for me, however a few are humorous. Here’s my favorites.
1. Confucius say woman who go to man’s apartment for snack, get titbit.
2. Confucius say man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.
3. Confucius say man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
4. Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter
5. Confucius say passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.
6. Confucius say man with hole in pocket, feel cocky.
7. Confucius say man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Confucius say virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.
9. Confucius say girl who ride bicycle, peddle ass all over town.
10. Confucius say he who fart in church, sit in own pew.
11. Confucius say baseball no sport – man with four balls cannot walk.
12. Confucius say: It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
13. Confucius say Kotex is not best thing on earth, is next-to-best thing on earth.
14. Confucius say man with penis in peanut butter jar, fucking nuts.
15. Confucius say man who walk through airport door sideways, going to Bangkok.
16. Confucius say man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Confucius say man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Confucius say when lady say no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady!
19. Confucius say man who go to bed with stiff problem, wake with solution in hand.
20. Confucius say man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
21. Confucius say man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy.
22. Confucius say it is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
23. Confucius say man who jizz in cash register, come into money.
24. Confucius say man who finger girl having period, caught red handed.
25. Confucius say man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
26. Confucius say man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
27. Confucius say man who go to bed with itchy asshole, wake with stinky finger.
28. Confucius say learn to masturbate-come in handy.
29. Confucius say war not determine who right, war determine who left.
30. Confucius say naked man fear no pickpocket.
31. Confucius say squirrel who run up womans leg, not find nuts.
32. Confucius say the end of day is near when small men make long shadows.
33. Confucius say better to be pissed off than pissed on.
34. Confucius say woman how cook carrots and peas in same pot, not sanitary.
35. Confucius say couple on seven day honeymoon, make whole week.
36. Confucius say girl who sit on jockey’s lap get hot tip.
37. Confucius say girl who sit on judge’s lap get honorable discharge.
38. Confucius say waitress who sit on lepper’s lap, keep tip.
39. Confucius say butcher who back into meat grinder, get a little behind in his work.
40. Confucius say man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, feeling nuts.
41. Confucius say man who shoot off mouth, expect to lose face.
42. Confucius say man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose.
43. Confucius say man with big mouth, beware of foot.
44. Confucius say man who fly upside down have crack up.
45. Confucius say man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion.
46. Confucius say shallow woman like man with short temper.
47. Confucius say man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic.
48. Confucius say house without bathroom, uncanny.
49. Confucius say foolish man give wife grand piano-wise man give wife upright organ.
50. Confucius say man who eat many prunes, sit on can for many moons.
51. Confucius say man who sleep with bitchy wife, wake with itchy trigger-finger.
52. Confucius say man who sit on stool, smell like shit.
53. Confucius say man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.
54. Confucius say man who throw dirt, losing ground.
55. Confucius say man who fishes in other’s holes, get crabs.
56. Confucius say he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
57. Confucius say cow with no legs, ground beef.
58. Confucius say two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
59. Confucius say baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become shiftless bastard.
60. Confucius say bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose.
61. Confucius say finding old man in dark, not hard.
62. Confucius say man who smoke pot, choke on handle.
63. Confucius say OK for shit to happen-will decompose.
64. Confucius say man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache.
65. Confucius say sailor who get discharged from navy, leave buddies behind.
66. Confucius say secretary become permanent fixture, when screwed on desk.
67. Confucius say do not drink and park-accidents cause people.
68. Confucius say he who crosses ocean twice without washing, dirty double crosser.
69. Confucius say too many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
70. Confucius say takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.
71. Confucius say never raise hands to angry child-leave groin exposed.
72. Confucius say man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
73. Confucius say man who keep feet firmly planted on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
74. Confucius say man who sit on tack, get point.
75. Confucius say man who run behind car, get exhausted.
76. Confucius say man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
77. Confucius say man who let woman on top, fucking up.
78. Confucius say woman who spend much time on bedspring, may get offspring.
79. Confucius say sex on beach like american beer-fucking near water.
80. Confucius say man like baby-want to suck tit all day.
81. Confucius say man who masturbate, only screwing himself.
82. Confucius say woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom.
83. Confucius say support bacteria-is only culture some people have.
84. Confucius say man who eat too many jellybean, fart in technicolor.
85. Confucius say man who marry girl with no bust, have right to feel low down.
86. Confucius say man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
87. Confucius say man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
88. Confucius say man who lose key to girlfriend’s apartment, not get new key.
89. Confucius say he who sit on upturned tack, rise above all.
90. Confucius say even greatest of whales, helpless in desert.
91. Confucius say wash face in morning, neck at night.
92. Confucius say elevator smell different to midget.
93. Confucius say America good place for Chinese restaurant.
94. Confucius say no man is island, but some women are whales.
95. Confucius say he who have last laugh, not get joke.
96. Confucius say man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet.
97. Confucius say he who outrun cheetah, fucking fast on his feet.
98. Confucius say man trapped in sewer, eat shit and die.
99. Confucius say man who fuck ugly dog, get howled at.
100. Confucius say all men eat, but Fumanchu.
101. Confucius say he who eat crackers in bed, have crummy sleep.
102. Confucius say he who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hands.
103. Confucius say wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
104. Confucius say he who sniff coke, drown.
105. Confucius say Macintosh computer, like man making love in cemetery -fucking near dead
106. Confucius say man piss in wind, wind piss back.
107. Confucius say man who pull out too soon, leave rubber behind.
108. Confucius say man who eat pussy, do lip service.
109. Confucius say man with tool in womans mouth, not necessarily dentist.
110. Confucius say girl who marry detective, like to kiss dick.
111. Confucius say men may have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole, women have more.
112. Confucius say rape should not happen-woman run faster with skirt up, than man with pants down.
113. Confucius say woman wearing G-string, high on crack.
114. Confucius say virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
115. Confucius say man who pull woman’s bra strap, may get bust in face.
116. Confucius say woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.
117. Confucius say fly who sit on toilet seat, get pissed off.
118. Confucius say man who throw away watch, wasting time.
119. Confucius say man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self.
120. Confucius say man who jump through screen door, strain self.
121. Confucius say man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor.
122. Confucius say man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose.
123. Confucius say man who sink in woman’s arms, soon have arms in woman’s sink.
124. Confucius say man who put cock on stove, have hot rod.
125. Confucius say never trust man with short legs-brains too near bottom.
126. Confucius say soldier who go to bed horny, wake with dishonorable discharge.
127. Confucius say woman who put detergent on top shelf, jump for joy.
128. Confucius say woman who slide down bannister, make monkey shine.
129. Confucious say woman who fly upside down have crack up.
130. Confucious say secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on desk.
131. Confucious say man who pumps cream into tart not necessarially village baker
132. Confucius say It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.